Waiting on a Baby

I can honestly say that waiting for your baby to arrive has to be one of the most thrilling, nerve wracking, bizarre and surreal experiences in life. We are due on Labor Day, less than a week away, but he's already psyched us out a couple of times.

Just last night while I was making dinner, I thought my water broke. Turns out I just peed my pants.

Anyway, anytime I do anything in these last few days - go to the grocery store, make dinner, watch TV, check email, water the yard, go to sleep, wake up, pee my pants - I wonder to myself 'is this the last time I'll ever do this without another human being to take care of?'

Intense doesn't even begin to describe it.

So being the control freak that I am I console myself by doing chores. I've washed all his little clothes, sheets and blankets. Oh my God they're so freaking cute. I can't even handle it.

I make sure my bags are packed with all my essentials (read: flip flops for the hospital shower because the thought alone gives me panic attacks - did I mention I'm also a germ freak?), add to my baby playlist for the delivery room, write to him in his 'first year' diary telling him the dumbest things that come into my head.

But most of all I try to not freak out. If there is an upside to being in the 'advanced maternal' set (aside from being able to afford diapers and formula if my boobs don't work) it's knowing that I've been as selfish as a person can be for 36 years. I've done what I wanted when I wanted. I've lived in some amazing cities and soaked up everything they had to offer, spent countless weekends and late nights working away at my ad job without it negatively affecting anyone but me, even spent countless hours on the couch watching bad TV. And I've loved every second of it.

When I got pregnant I knew I signed up for a barrage of unsolicited advice from strangers, family and friends (though actually this never really bothered me. After all I've never done this before.) What I didn't realize was how many times I'd be asked the question, 'Are you ready?'

Just last night I was asked it for the thousandth time by a neighbor. And all I could do was answer honestly.

No.

I'm a realist. In my opinion nobody could ever really be ready to take on the responsibility of raising another human being. It's terrifying.

But I'm okay with that. It's what I signed up for. And something tells me that by me not thinking I've got it all figured out, I might raise a better human being in the process.

Or not. Frankly I'm just aiming to not raise a serial killer. And ideally someone who opens doors for ladies, says please and thank you and smiles more often than not.

We'll start there and see where we end up.

Sincerely,

Woman Wondering if This is Her Last Blog Post Before the Baby Comes

Key Lime Pie for Cheaters. No Apology Necessary.

For Father's Day this year I had my dad and stepmom over for a nice lunch. I made chicken fried chicken, chipotle and white cheddar garlic mashed potatoes, spinach salad and key lime pie.

My dad has a huge sweet tooth so initially I had higher ambitions than key lime pie using bottled key lime juice. But being pretty pregnant at that point something had to give and as I looked at the cheesecake recipe I'd pulled out the night before I realized it was a little ambitious in addition to making everything else including the salad dressing from scratch.

I found a bottle of Nellie and Joe's Key West Lime Juice in my pantry along with a chocolate graham cracker pie crust and off we went. And here's the thing. It didn't matter. I'd put this pie up against a made from scratch one any day. I jazzed things up a little with a sweetened sour cream topping and fresh lime zest. The sour cream topping was a component of my mom's cheesecake growing up and it added a nice counterpart to the sweet key lime filling (something a little different than whipped cream.)

If I had one thing to do over I'd have made the chocolate graham cracker crust from scratch. It wouldn't have added much time to the recipe and probably would've taken it up a whole other level but in a pinch you can't beat a tasty pie that you can whip together in five minutes flat.

Nellie and Joe's Key Lime Pie
*Slightly Adapted by Alisa Wixom

Ingredients:
1 (9 inch) prepared chocolate graham cracker pie shell (regular is fine too)
14 oz can sweetened condensed milk
3 egg yolks
1/2 cup Nellie and Joe's Key West Lime Juice (from a bottle found in grocery store)
1 (16 oz) carton sour cream
heaping 1/4 cup powdered sugar
zest of 1 lime

How To:
Preheat oven to 350. Combine the condensed milk, egg yolks and lime juice together in a medium bowl. Blend until smooth. Pour the filling into the prepared pie shell and bake for 15 minutes. Allow to cool for at least 30 minutes on a pie rack. While the pie cools, combine the sour cream and powdered sugar together until well mixed. Spread the mixture evenly over the whole pie (you probably won't need or want all of it but up to you.) Garnish the top with lime zest and a thin slice of lime if desired.

Cover lightly with plastic wrap and refrigerate until chilled. Will last for 3 days in the fridge.

Chambord Margaritas and a Baby Shower

My sweet friend Lauren brought these to my baby shower that she and my friends Claire and Kelly threw for me a couple of Sundays ago. What a day! It was absolutely perfect. They picked a whale theme because the baby's wallpaper features whales (pic at the bottom of this post) but kept things minimal and clean with yellow flowers all around and cute jelly bean-filled vases and cupcakes with the whales on them from the invitations that Kelly designed.

My favorite part though (aside from the margs) was Claire reading the 'guess the baby's birth date and weight cards' that also had a little piece of advice for me from all the lovely ladies - all of whom are moms aside from my niece, Brooke.

This absolutely melted my heart into a giant puddle on the floor. I kid you not - I'm going to keep them on hand for those nights when I feel overwhelmed and confused to keep me going. Such a good idea!

Anyway I realize some of you may be like 'baby schmaybe - I thought this was a food blog' so I'll get to the recipe asap. Lauren made these in individual mason jars and brought them over partially frozen with the lids on so that as people came and went they'd still be nice and cool waiting for them on the counter.

The presentation could NOT have been cuter. I felt like I was living in a Pinterest board. But the flavor - holy guacamole. Not too sweet but not too tart, limey with a little fruity Chambord kick. I got to sip on one with my hubby who stuck around to take pictures for us.

The great thing is you can make them ahead and keep them in the freezer. I imagine they would even stay good for a few days this way. So if you're already thinking about Halloween parties - look no further for your party drink. Toss some frozen lychees stuffed with raspberries in as ice cubes and you're in business!

Chambord Margaritas 
Courtesy of Lauren Bayne, cofounder of awesome mom site Meet the MILK
Big Batch - makes enough to fill 24 (8 oz) Mason Jars

Ingredients:

• 32 ounces, fluid Water
• 1-½ Tablespoon Lime Juice
• 12 ounces, fluid Can Of Frozen Limeade
• 12 ounces, fluid  Tequila - use the good stuff - not some cheapy you used to drink in college. 
• 6 ounces, fluid Triple Sec (I like Paula's Orange) 
• 8 ounces, fluid Chambord (or More To Taste)
• Cherries or Raspberries, for Garnish

Instructions:
In a large pot or bowl, mix all ingredients, whisk together until completely combined. Give it a taste and adjust to your liking.
This will make enough to fill 24 8-ounce Mason jars. Fill just shy of the top, place the lid on and store in your freezer until ready to serve. (It needs at least 5 hours to get slushy.)
Give it a stir with spoon, add a straw, a cherry and cheers! But don't drink too many or you'll need one of these:

Flank Steak Stir Fry, My New BFF

I'm crazily gathering recipes that are fast and easy and can be thrown together even when you have the coordination and where with all of a zombie which I understand is about to be the new norm for me with a newborn.

This one is modified from The Pioneer Woman and really aside from from a few tweaks the main difference is that I dump everything into a giant ziploc first (a step that can even be done several hours ahead) and then from the bag straight into a heated wok. Then while it's cooking all you have to do is cook the rice and dinner is DONE.

I realize I'm probably butchering wok cooking here by dumping everything in at once but I promise you it's still delicious and as long as you let everything rest a couple of minutes with the heat off after cooking the steak will be tender and delicious.

The secret is to reserve some of the chopped green onions and cilantro for garnish (though I doubt I'll remember to do this once sleep deprivation kicks in.)

Flank Steak Stir Fry

Ingredients:
1/2 cup low sodium soy sauce (I've used regular and it was fine just don't add additional salt)
2 tablespoons white wine
1 tablespoon rice vinegar
2 tablespoons brown sugar
2 tablespoons cornstarch
1/4 teaspoon sesame oil
1 tablespoon minced fresh ginger, optional
2 whole peeled garlic cloves
good pinch red pepper flakes
1 to 1 1/2 pounds flank steak, trimmed of excess fat and sliced against the grain into thin slices (I like to then take the slices and cut them into 2 inch pieces but it's up to you)
5 green onions cut into 1/2 inch pieces plus 2 green onions, chopped and reserved for garnish
1/2 cup chopped cilantro, divided
Optional (or use all!) veg: 8 oz snow peas, 1 red bell pepper cut into slivers, 2 carrots sliced into thin rounds, 16 oz frozen broccoli, 1/2 small sweet onion cut into thin strips
2-3 tablespoons canola oil or peanut or olive oil
Rice, cooked according to package, to serve alongside (my recipe is 1 cup rice to 1 3/4 cups low sodium chicken stock, brought to a boil then reduced to low with lid on for 12 min but follow whatever yours says for the amount you want)
Wok or a large dutch oven or cast iron pan for frying

How To:
Add the soy sauce through the sesame oil to a large ziploc. Gently smush around while holding the top (you can seal and shake it if it helps) to mix everything together and help dissolve the cornstarch and brown sugar. You can also mix this up in a small bowl first but this saves a step and washing it up by doing it right in the bag. Win-win.

Add the ginger (if using) and the garlic, red pepper flakes, steak, 1/2 inch pieces of green onions, 1/4 cup chopped cilantro and the veggies of your choice. Smush everything around, seal and refrigerate if not making right away or simply seal and set aside while you prepare your wok.

Add the oil to the wok and turn it around carefully so that the sides get coated. Put over medium high heat and let get nice and hot for a couple of minutes. Carefully add the stir fry - the contents of the entire bag - to the wok using a wooden spoon to spread everything out as much as possible so it cooks evenly.

(FYI now is also the time to start your rice in another pot.)

Lower the heat slightly and cook, stirring every so often to keep everything from sticking as well as cooking evenly, for 4-5 minutes until the steak is cooked through and veggies have softened. This might take a little longer if you've opted for all the veggies as well as the full 1 1/2 pounds of steak as opposed to a pound.

Turn the heat off and let the stir fry rest for a couple of minutes. Serve over rice with chopped green onion and cilantro.

Farewell 36 years of me, me, me.

I am 34 weeks along. Or shall I say 'we'? It gets weird when you're sharing your body with someone else. Anyway I can't believe it. In a matter of weeks, I'll be a mom and my life will have shifted in a way I can't even begin to comprehend.

So I thought I'd take a few minutes to ponder and honor this pre-life altering event. I want to share our story because I wish I'd found more like mine out there when we were trying.

We started 'opening the door' as they say to the idea of a baby three years ago. Neither me or my husband are the type to take bringing a baby into the world lightly (in fact there was even a period in our twenties when work so crazy that neither of us could even imagine doing it period.) We're both control freaks, selfish, youngest of big families and career-driven.

But then the hormones kicked it. As it turned out, our clocks started ticking at about the same time. I was 33. Him 32. It sounds dorky, like a scene from a Hallmark movie, but I honestly remember thinking that suddenly our house felt a little too quiet. It was kind of creepy actually.

So we opened that door and I had all kinds of visions of missing a period, stealthily going to the drugstore to 'double check' with a test then surprising him with the news in some wildly romantic, crazy way like baking a passifier into a cake or something.

A month went by then another and another. I never missed a damn period. Hmm. At that time I decided to google how to make a baby. Imagine my surprise when I learned the window for baby making is just 2-3 days per month! Oops. And shit. I hate science.

I mean of course I knew there was a window. I just didn't know it was that freaking stingy. My husband went one further - he flat out told me I was wrong. 'How can so many high school teens get knocked up if there's only a 2 day window??' he asked. I had to agree. It seemed bananas.

But google doesn't lie so I begrudgingly got an ovulation kit and we went from there. More months went by and no dice.

It was time to consult a doctor. I went to an OB since I needed one in Austin anyway, dragging my sweet hubby along. Her first question was 'how old are you?'

At that point I was 34. I expected a warm smile, maybe even a little sisterly wink like 'you still got it, girl. Don't you worry your pretty head...'

'Hmmm,' she said. Fucking hmmm. Then I got the speech. At 34 I was technically past the 'babies come easy stage' of life. Way past in fact. My eggs were less and less viable all the time. Finally she ended this little coffee klatch with the wise words that 'it could be really hard' and that we should 'do it a lot.'

Seriously? This is what I'm hearing in the year of 2011? I went on the defense, spitting out the fact that my mom had me when she was 37. Something that was all but unheard of back then. I mean her friends were probably all waiting for me to come out with a cyclops on my head, fiddling the song from Deliverance with my little crab claws and I turned out adorable.

'Were you her first child?'' she asked. Nope. I was her fourth. I would get this question/rationale a lot from friends that had undergone IVF. Apparently the whole age factor wasn't as big of a deal if you'd started having kids earlier. For example, if you have a kid at 25 you're much more likely to be able to have another one Halle Berry-style, at 45. But if you've never had a kid, waiting until you're 45 is like having filled your vagina with cement . Game pretty much over so to speak.

Anyway more time went by. More periods. Finally my mom called one day and said she'd seen a local doctor on TV who was supposed one of the best in the country for fertility. Not for the actual IVF process per se, but for doing everything possible to encourage pregnancy before having to resort to IVF.

This whole IVF thing was already lurking around the back of my brain so I liked the sound of this guy a lot. We were in his office in less than a week.

Dr. Silverburg was MUCH more what I'd pictured when I envisioned our 'let's get pregnant' doctor. He was warm, friendly and funny. He was super freaking positive. His thoughts were basically 'I see nothing wrong with either of you. This is going to happen.' He didn't talk about my age like I was totally effed. He was just generally pumped.

As it turned out I was ovulating (hi egg!) right there for the whole world to see on screen during my examination. We got sent home with a sex assignment.

But once again, nothing. So now it was time to ramp up the tests. My husband would get his brethren makers checked and I'd get something called an HSG, a procedure where they put a catheter into your lady parts and pump a colored liquid into it which you can follow on tv (okay, x rays) to see if the liquid makes its way to the proper places (your left and right fallopian tubes to where an egg usually waits to receive its gentlemen callers.) The only hitch is the liquid is applied with a bit of pressure to encourage completion of the journey as sometimes your tubes can be blocked for one reason or another and this can be painful.

I won't lie. With my husband's junk getting tested, I totally admit to having the 'She's Having a Baby' moment where I envisioned some part of his wardrobe as the culprit for inhibiting his man power. Maybe his jeans. Or the damn laptop that was never far away from his crotch.

Well we both did our thing and were back in the doc's office nervously awaiting to hear how we measured up a couple weeks later. This time Dr. Silverburg was sick and therefore not his usual jovial self which only added to the intensity. On top of that neither of our results were anywhere to be found which really put him in a good mood.

Finally after a series of phone calls he got my husband's over the phone from someone at the lab. Boy was I wrong. He so did NOT have a problem. In fact let's just say if the world was coming to an end the FBI or MIB or whoever the hell would probably single-handedly track him down to freeze his baby makers to use to save humanity post-apocolypse. He'd have the population back up and running in no time.

Well shit. That left little miss you-know-who. And to make matters worse, my test results had apparently vanished into thin air.

Regardless he made a gut call. Based on how omni-potent my husband was, he thought that without a doubt I was the problem, something I'd been dreading deep down for a while. He wanted me to have two minor surgeries done immediately. One where they go through my belly button to break up a small septum in my uterus. He hadn't thought the septum was big enough to be a problem before but now wasn't taking any chances. It just might be the reason why an egg wasn't attaching. The second procedure was something where they go in with a camera and investigate for signs of endometriosis. Eek.

I tried not to cry but it was pretty sucky. Not the end of the world yet but definitely a solid, concrete red flag as to why we'd had such a hard time and would continue having a hard time without minimal if not major help. I finally had to let go of the image I'd always clung to where I just woke up one day pregnant like Heidi Klum or half the teenagers in America.

Anyway because it was the holidays we waited to schedule the procedures until after Christmas and got on with life. The pressure was off and the holidays took over as only they can do. On Christmas Eve I remember my boobs hurting me so bad, I asked my sister for a Tylenol. TMI but monthly boob pain isn't unusual for me. Boob pain that requires medicine, however, is.

The day after Christmas they were still killing me. I have modest little boobs but I felt like I was lugging around a couple of anchors. We were eating at Salt Lick with my in-laws and I remember two things: a) my boobs killing me and b) me not drinking wine. Me not drinking wine with dinner is admittedly unusual and I hadn't even thought about it.

On the way home I asked my husband to stop by CVS so I could 'run in' for something. In classic form, he asked me to get some ice cream. When I rolled up to the counter with two pints of ice cream and a pregnancy test, the clerk, a flamboyent gay guy with black and Crayola red striped hair put down his People magazine and said 'GIIIIRl...no you didn't.'

'Actually I hope I did,' I said. 'I'm getting old.'

I didn't say a word to Kris or the in laws but instead went home and took the test straight to the bathroom. I peed and waited like I'd done so many times before. Only this time, instead of seeing the grim, final 'no', it read pregnant.

I literally couldn't believe it. In fact, that's a selfie of my reaction at the top of this post. I literally couldn't believe it.

So that's my story. Our story. The story of a baby that we tried and tried for that just kind of happened. A baby that was already inside of me when we sat there in the doctor's office hearing the news that I was going to have to have a couple of procedures, if not IVF, to conceive. Crazy.

Do I know how or why? No. But I have a hunch. I honestly think the HSG unblocked something. When I was having it done, the liquid went up the left side of my body like lightning while the right took its time and even stopped a couple of times. The technician had me roll on my right side and after a few seconds it was off to the races again. So I'm guessing that all those times I was ovulating on the right side, the doorway for the little men was blocked which pretty much wiped out half of our efforts. I also think that our lack of timing during that first year hadn't helped us any either.

But truthfully we'll never know. I am just so thankful that it happened!

And I've had the world's best, easiest pregnancy. I literally have no complaints aside from early boob pain, some early bitchiness/tiredness and nose bleeds. That's it. Just this week my doctor told me 'you must be reading all the right books.' I told her I love buying all the books on pregnancy and not reading them which is true.

Books freak me out. And so do peoples' comments on google. If you're trying to get pregnant or are pregnant, stay away from the comments sections. I'm convinced half of them are written by 14 year olds - kind of a modern day version of prank calling - or by those people that poison their kids to get empathy. Or people who actually have gone through truly terrible stuff and need to get it off their chest. Either way it's not worth putting yourself through it. Just my two cents.

Anyway I am so, so thankful. And excited. And terrified.

Wish me luck.

It's gettin' real.

Pasta with Pea Pesto, Pancetta and Parmesan

I'll be honest. I made this a few weeks ago and forgot to write down the recipe. Here's hoping this was close because I really, really liked it. Yay pregnancy brain!

Pasta with Pea Pesto, Pancetta and Parmesan

Ingredients:

1 pound penne or pasta of preference

3 shallots, diced

1 tablespoon olive oil, or enough to lightly coat a small frying pan

1 1/2 cups thawed frozen peas

pinch red pepper flakes

pinch fresh ground nutmeg

zest of 1 lemon

1/3 cup toasted pine nuts, plus extra for garnish

3/4 cup shredded parmesan, plus extra for garnish

1/4 cup olive oil

salt and pepper

1 (3 oz) package diced pancetta, baked on a rimmed cookie sheet for 8-10 min on 400 until crispy

How To:

Boil the pasta until al dente in salted boiling water (follow instructions.) Reserve 1 cup of the pasta water before draining. Drain and set aside.

While the pasta cooks, gently fry the shallots until translucent and tender over low/medium heat in a small to medium fry pan with just enough olive oil to coat the bottom. No need to season them. Transfer the sauteed shallots to a food processor.

Add the peas, red pepper flakes, nutmeg and lemon zest to the food processor. Pulse until the shallots and peas have broken down. Add the 1/3 cup pine nuts and parmesan and pulse again. Then with the machine running, add the olive oil thru the shoot until well blended. You can always add a little more if you like your pesto runnier. It's a matter of preference. Adding more oil is also a great way to 'extend' the pesto if needed. Taste the pesto for salt/pepper. You'll probably need at least a pinch of salt but remember you're adding pancetta and pasta water in a minute which will salt things up also so don't go too crazy.

Add the cooked pasta and pesto to a large bowl. Pour over a little of the reserved pasta water to help the pesto and pasta get along and gently stir to combine - as much or as little you need. Remember when adding pasta water to add a little at a time. You can't take it back out:)

When you're happy with the consistency, stir in the pancetta (you can use a slotted spoon to transfer it from the pan - some of the oil from baking is nice but maybe not all of it), taste again for salt and pepper making any adjustments and serve with extra parmesan and toasted pine nuts on top if desired.

Chicken with Goat Cheese, Herb and Panko Crust

                                      

Chicken with Goat Cheese, Herb and Panko Crust
* A fast and delicious favorite.
* Serves 2 or 3, depending on # of chicken breasts used.

Ingredients:
2 large or 3 smallish chicken breasts (boneless and skinless)
salt and pepper, for seasoning

4 oz goat cheese
3 tablespoons chopped green onions
3 tablespoons minced flat leaf parsley
couple shakes onion powder
zest of 1 lemon
pinch of kosher salt
pinch black pepper
1/2 cup panko breadcrumbs (might need a little more or less depending on the size of your chicken breasts - I like a good crust though)
olive oil

How to:
Pull the chicken and goat cheese from the fridge and let sit out 20 minutes to take the chill off while you chop up the herbs and assemble the rest of your ingredients. Preheat the oven to 400 and spray a medium baking dish with nonstick spray. Set aside.

Pat the chicken dry with a paper towel and trim off any fatty or unpleasant bits. Place in your baking dish and season the tops very lightly with salt and pepper.

In a small/medium bowl, mix the goat cheese, chopped herbs, onion powder, lemon zest and a pinch of salt and pepper with a fork. You can also add a little olive oil if you like to make it easier to spread onto the chicken, just depends on the moisture content of your goat cheese.

Divide the cheese mixture evenly over the tops of the chicken breasts, carefully spreading it out with the back of a spoon, or more easily - your hands. Next sprinkle the panko crumbs on top of the cheese mixture, lightly pressing the crumbs into the cheese so they stick and form a crust. Drizzle the tops lightly with olive oil, cover with aluminum foil and bake for 20 minutes. After 20 minutes remove the foil and bake another 5 or so minutes just until the panko has lightly browned and the chicken is cooked through. Let rest a couple of minutes before serving.