Salmon Burger Fail

Have you ever made salmon burgers before? I made them for the first time a few weeks ago after seeing Paula make them on her show. I felt so chef-y as I ground the salmon up in the food processor from Whole Paycheck (Whole Foods) then added in the garlic, ginger, and other ingredients.

But then I grilled them and took a bite. To be fair there was nothing wrong with them. The seasoning was good and it tasted okay but for some reason I couldn't get over the fact I was eating ground up salmon. Do I need therapy? I can eat grilled salmon until the cows come home but for some reason this geeked me out.

Oh well. Onward and upward...

Jerk Chicken

Ever see a recipe and think that's the one! That's going to be my show-stopping signature!! Well, I thought this recipe for homemade jerk chicken would be one of those. I even waited years to make it, never having the time to cook the marinade, blend it, cool it, then put the chicken in it overnight.

I don't know what went wrong. Maybe it was because it's better with dark meat (I used a whole chicken.) Maybe because the marinade didn't include any salt (I added some to the recipe.) It even smelled to die for in the fridge while marinating...but once cooked was...okay. Not bad. Not great. But all those flavors - what the f?!?

If you have a great homemade jerk chicken marinade - please end it my way.

Jerk Chicken, from Food Network Get Grilling

Ingredients:
1/3 cup cider vinegar
1/4 cup dark rum
3 tablespoons firmly packed dark brown sugar
1 bunch scallions (white and green parts), roughly chopped
4 cloves garlic, chopped
1 Scotch bonnet chile, stemmed, seeded, and minced
2 tablespoons Pickapeppa sauce (see Cook's Note, below)
1 tablespoon freshly grated peeled ginger
1 tablespoon ground allspice
1/4 teaspoon pumpkin pie spice
3 tablespoons vegetable oil
zest of 1 lime
3/4 teaspoon kosher salt
1 whole chicken, backbone removed and split

Directions:
Pulse the vinegar, rum, brown sugar, scallions, garlic, chile, Pickapeppa sauce, ginger, allspice, pumpkin pie spice and salt in a food processor to make a slightly chunky sauce. Heat the oil in a medium skillet and cook the sauce over medium heat, stirring, until the oil is absorbed and the sauce thickens slightly, about 3 minutes. Cool. Stir in lime zest and salt.

Rub the jerk paste all over the chicken halves, cover, and refrigerate for 2 to 24 hours.

Prepare an outdoor grill with a medium-high fire for both direct and indirect grilling. Position a drip pan under the grate on indirect side. Place the chicken, skin side down, over direct heat and cook until skin crisps and has definite grill marks, about 4 minutes per side. Move to indirect heat over the drip pan and cook skin side up, covered, until an instant-read thermometer inserted into the thickest part of the thigh registers 165 degrees F, about 35 to 40 minutes. Let the chicken rest about 5 minutes, then cut into pieces and serve.

Cook's Note: Pickapeppa -- the celebrated Jamaican bottled sauce -- is a blend of tomatoes, onions, sugar, cane vinegar, mangoes, raisins, tamarind, peppers, and spices. Fans use this "Jamaican ketchup" on all manner of grilled foods. It adds a distinct punch to this version of the island's spicy jerk marinade.

Pretty Pie.

I made it. It was apple. I was so proud. Until I took a bite.

Unfortunately its beauty was only skin deep. But don't worry - I won't give up. I'll report back to you with a better pie.

Failures and Disappointments. Again...

Hi Loves! I hope everyone had a great 4th!

I certainly did - though I usually do as it is also my birthday. I will post pics soon from the night - the Macys fireworks literally went off in front of us on our roof deck. I am certainly saying my blessings more than usual these days...

We had an afternoon barbecue that extended into evening drinks that extended into a late night barbecue that extended into a roof deck so packed full of random strangers that friends and I had to retreat to my living room downstairs just to visit, much like the scene from Breakfast at Tiffany's where Holly Go Lightly and her Brazilian beau use the fire escape to flee her own overgrown party. I had a BLAST.

Anyhow, now that real life has kicked in again, I am feeling the effects of it. I had intended to post tonight about lovely southwestern spiced chicken legs cooked on the grill. And then I got caught up planting my new hydrangeas and begonias (I'm the WORST kind of gardener - I buy plants strictly based on their flower color) and low and behold - my grilling got a little neglected. I literally burned the living crap out of those poor chicken legs. Thank the Lord my asparagus and corn turned out, and as a bonus I discovered my new favorite flavored butter for topping grilled corn with - orange basil butter. It's easier than sex and it goes like this...

Orange Basil Butter
Enough for 2 Corn Cobs, unless you're a Paula Dean fan
* This would also be delicious over roasted asparagus or other vegetables of your choice

Ingredients:
1/4 cup butter
hefty pinch of orange zest - that of half a medium orange
hefty pinch of sea or kosher salt
1 tablespoon minced basil

Directions:
Melt butter in the microwave for 30 seconds. Add the orange zest and sea or kosher salt (the more the better if you're using unsalted/sweet butter.) Return to the microwave for another 30-45 seconds or until the butter has fully melted and has begun to bubble under the heat. Add the minced basil, swirling or stirring to incorporate, then poor over hot corn cobs.

The tongue punisher.

A lot of people ask me if I ever make anything that turns out to be horrible. The answer is........YES!

Every once in a while, over-confidence or sheer exhaustion steers me down the wrong path.

Case in point - last night's chicken. In my defense, it was a marinade based on a poorly reviewed one I found on Epicurious that I tweaked (to what I thought would be) culinary excellence. I literally had a post written in my head about how I saved the day on this one, picking this poor marinade up by the boot straps and slapping it into greatness.

Nope. It sucked. It sucked so bad I took two bites and threw it out. It sucked so bad, it temporarily stunned our taste buds to where we had to rinse our mouths out with fizzy water and wait an hour before moving onto a bowl of cereal. It was horrendously, cruelly, bitter. So bitter that we dubbed it "The Tongue Punisher."

Perhaps it was simply because it marinated for 2 days instead of 1 (we had to work late Sunday night so I didn't get to make it until Monday night.) Perhaps it was the throw-caution-to-the-wind pinch of Chinese Five Spice I added. We'll never know - I'll never make it again.

Good things do come from mishaps like this though. First off - an appreciation for modern day society and the option of ordering takeout should this fate befall you. And second - gratitude for the tried and true recipes that all of us have. The recipes you can make with your hands behind your back. The recipes that may not sexy and daring because of their familiarity to us, but that turn out again and again.

My mom's best friend, Pauletta, told me the funniest story once about their young neighbors who moved in next door to them in Houston in the 70's. Apparently, they couldn't wait to have them over for dinner in their new house. When Pauletta and her husband showed up, the young husband greeted them stiffly and explained that his wife would be out of the kitchen in a moment and that she was a little 'held up' with dinner. Dinner never came. After an hour, the finally wife emerged from the kitchen, sweaty and haggard looking with puffy, red eyes.

A novice cook, she had apparently attempted Beef Wellington as her show stopper recipe for the evening, complete with home made pate and puff pastry. It's a miracle she hadn't stuck her head in the oven out of frustration... (To this day, Pauletta's husband teases her about it by asking "When's the Wellington gonna be ready?")

The point is, a tried and true recipe is worth its weight in gold, especially for entertaining. Guests and loved ones would rather be fed a perfectly executed, simple spaghetti than nothing at all.

As for me, because I don't have guests coming over this evening nor do I listen to my own advice, I'll be attempting yet another new recipe from Martha Stewart. I'll let you know if we end up eating cereal...