Sourdough Crumpets from Starter

                               
I can't vouch for these being genuine crumpets as I've never had one before but I can vouch for them being a perfect cross between an English muffin and a sourdough bagel. I can also vouch for the fact they're going to be a problem for me. They are just too damn good. Full disclose as to how I ended up making them. They were supposed to be hamburger buns. Or at least so the recipe told me. And while they did the job they were a little too dense for a classic hamburger bun. But the next morning after being popped into the toaster and smeared with butter and jam I found their true calling. Breakfast!

They have that unmistakable sourdough tanginess, a chewy bagel like exterior and yet a soft yielding inside filled with all sorts of mysterious nooks and crannies that equal fluffy bread heaven.

If you're afraid of keeping a sourdough starter - don't be. Seriously if I can do it anyone can. For example, Kris is on this kick of bringing home succulents for the house. And while I love them, I die a little inside every time he buys a new one because I just know that sucker is gonna die on my watch. I've killed literally eight in the past three months.

So trust me when I say if I can keep a sourdough starter alive, so can you. A trick to avoiding the headache of maintaining a starter is to keep it in the fridge instead of at room temp. That way if I forget to 'feed' it for a couple of weeks it's totally fine. On that note feeding your starter isn't scary at all. You basically remove a cup of stirred starter from your batch and either use or throw away then replenish it with a cup each of flour and water (though I tend to use less water sometimes when I think mine's getting too liquid.)

Is 'too liquid' proper grammar? Google's not correcting me so I'm going with it. Anyway if you like to bake, you are always just a few hours away from something hot from the oven. Pretty good payout for letting something just hang out in your refrigerator.

That said 'starting' it is a different story. Not difficult but it has a few steps and involves actually following directions which I'm not always great at much less while chasing after a 19 month old. Anyway I bought mine online from King Arthur and followed the instructions here.

So back to this bagel/English muffin situation. Mine didn't rise that much before baking (probably because I didn't wait for my starter to come to room temp first.) In fact I was pretty much convinced I was making little sourdough flatbreads but then they rose and puffed in the oven and became crumpet like.

One bit of advice is to not over bake them. Once the bottom edges are golden brown - get those suckers out!

Sourdough Crumpets
*adapted from Sparkle People
*yields about 10 crumpets though recipe easily doubles if needed

1 cup sourdough starter (well stirred and if you have the time, at room temp)
1/2 cup lukewarm water
1/4 cup sugar
2 tablespoons coconut oil (gently heated to liquid state) or vegetable oil
1 egg yolk (plus one additional egg for the wash)
1/4 teaspoon kosher salt
3-5 cups flour, or more (be sure to use the spoon and sweep method for measuring)

Mix all but the flour together in a large bowl with a wooden spoon until well mixed. Add half the flour and mix well then gradually add the rest by small increments until the mixture is hard to stir but all the flour is incorporated. Flour a large clean surface and turn the dough out. Kneed, turn over and pressing across with the palm of your hand several times (adding flour as necessary to keep the dough and/or hands from sticking) until the dough is pliable, cohesive and springy. I know this sounds weird but I know my dough has come together when I can gently yet firmly smush and pat it together into a ball and when I pat it like a baby's butt it stays sort of puffed and proud in that shape.

Oil a clean bowl lightly and place the dough inside turning over to coat. Cover with a slightly damp kitchen towel and place in a warm place (I never have a 'warm' place so I turn my oven on to 350 for 5 minutes then shut it off for 5 minutes before putting the bowl in. If it still feels hot either wait a little longer or leave the door open.) Leave until doubled (though to be honest after 3 hours mine hadn't doubled or even risen significantly so don't fret and press on if that happens to you as mine turned out great.)

Punch down and let rest another 15 minutes. Pinch off pieces of dough that when rolled lightly between your palms are about the size of a medium lemon. Place at least two inches apart on baking sheets lined with parchment paper. Cover with kitchen towels and return to a warm place for 30 minutes or as long as you need until ready to bake.

Preheat your oven to 375. Remove the towels from the crumpets and brush lightly with an egg wash (one egg mixed well with a hefty splash of milk.)

Bake for 15-20 minutes until edges are just light golden brown. Remove and transfer to a cooling rack. These will keep in an airtight container for 3 days. They would probably freeze well too!

Giada's Fancy (But Simple) Tuna Melt with Grafton Cheddar and Sweet Pickle Aioli

Guess who's over his dairy allergy? My baby boy! Since last Friday I've eaten pizza, grilled cheese, salad with goat cheese and this insanely good tuna melt.

This is Giada's recipe. The only thing I did differently was to make my mayo from scratch (don't roll your eyes - it takes five seconds with an immersion blender) as I can no longer ignore the fact that GMO soy is in everything store bought and I'm not going to eat that crap anymore whenever possible.

Anyway this is already a new favorite in the rotation at our house. I would try swapping capers for the sweet pickles if the mood strikes you or even a basil aioli. The possibilities are endless.

What really makes this though is the salad you serve over the top. It's crisp and cool and the dressing has a hint of a refreshing bite to it from the shallot (thank you Ina Garten.) Crisp thick toasted sourdough, melting hot tuna topped with oozing white cheddar and a cool refreshing salad on top…it'll make everything right with the world.

Open Faced Tuna Melts with Cheddar, Sweet Pickle Mayo and Arugula Salad
* by Giada DeLaurentiis, salad dressing by Ina Garten
* serves 2

Ingredients:
1/4 cup store bought or homemade mayo
2 tablespoons chopped sweet pickles (or store bought pickle relish - OR you could try capers or even chopped fresh herbs)
2 fresh Ahi tuna steaks
kosher salt and black pepper for seasoning
2 teaspoons herbs de provence
olive oil, for seasoning bread and searing tuna steaks
2 thick slices sharp Grafton white cheddar, or other aged cheddar
2 thick slices sourdough bread
2 cups arugula
handful of cherry tomatoes, optional
*Couple tablespoons vinaigrette (or to taste), recipe below

Directions:

Mix mayo and chopped pickles together and set aside.

Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Place bread slices on a cookie sheet and drizzle lightly with olive oil then put in the oven for 10 minutes just until toasted. 

Meanwhile, season tuna steaks with salt, pepper and herbs de provence. Add enough olive oil to a cast iron skillet or heavy bottom pan and heat over high heat. Once hot, add the tuna and sear 3 minutes. Flip to the other side and place the cheese slices over the tops and cook another 2-3 minutes for medium rare or until desired doneness.

Toss the arugula and tomatoes with a couple of tablespoons of the dressing and a small pinch of salt and pepper. 

To assemble, place a slice of toast on the center of each plate. Divide the mayo spread over the slices and spread evenly across. Then add the tuna melts and divide the arugula salad over the tops. Serve right away.

Ina Garten's Creamy Shallot Vinaigrette:

1/2 cup olive oil

1 tablespoon red wine vinegar

1/2 teaspoon dijon mustard

1/4 teaspoon honey

1 teaspoon kosher salt

freshly ground black pepper

1 tablespoon minced shallot

Juicy Blackberry Pecan Muffins. Hello Spring, nice to see you.

                                    
So gluten free, dairy free, soy free baking is a little tricky. Coconut oil works wonders as a butter substitute but often times imparts its signature flavor. Coconut milk is also a miraculous substitute for milk or heavy cream but same issue. And if you're religiously doing Paleo, almond flour technically works but so far everything I've made has a spongy/wet quality after cooling which isn't so great for things like quick breads or muffins.

So this time I tried modifying a Martha Stewart recipe with Bob's Red Mill Gluten Free All Purpose Baking Flour and hooray! Muffins that act and eat like muffins and don't get soggy or weird when left out over night!

Like I said with my baby's allergies I got all hippie on you and made these gluten free and dairy free and with coconut sugar. But don't worry. My husband who is literally the pickiest eater when it comes to baked goods on the planet didn't notice the difference. In fact I have a hunch the coconut milk might have made them even richer but if you don't have the need to avoid dairy or gluten feel free to use regular 'ol butter and flour and sugar and cow's milk. I'm sure they'd be mighty fine.

Juicy Blackberry Pecan Muffins 
*Adapted from Martha Stewart
*Modifications for gluten free/dairy free below
*Coconut palm sugar imparts a dark golden color onto these muffins so don't be shocked if yours are lighter if using regular granulated sugar

Ingredients:
*2 cups AP flour or Bob's Red Mill Gluten Free All Purpose Baking Flour
1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon kosher salt
1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
2 cups fresh blackberries
*1/2 cup (1 stick) butter or Earth Balance Soy Free, Dairy Free Buttery Spread, at room temp
1 cup sugar (or coconut palm sugar)
2 eggs, room temp
zest of a small lemon
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
*1/2 cup whole milk or coconut milk at room temp
1/2 to 3/4 cup chopped pecans or walnuts

Directions:
Preheat oven to 375. Line a 12 standard muffin cup pan with paper liners or alternatively spray with either nonstick spray or brush lightly with melted coconut oil (if you need to avoid soy found in many sprays.) If not using liners, lightly sprinkle the greased cups with a little flour then tap out excess.

In a medium bowl, whisk together the flour, baking powder, salt, and cinnamon. Take a heaping tablespoon of this mixture and sprinkle it over the blackberries in another medium bowl. Give a gentle toss to lightly coat all the berries and set aside.

Meanwhile, in a standing food mixer or large bowl with hand held mixer, blend the butter and sugar for 3 minutes until fully mixed, pausing midway to scrape the bottom and the sides.

Add the eggs in one at a time, blending well each time. Add in the zest and vanilla extract and mix until incorporated. Add the milk and blend just until incorporated.

Carefully add in the flour mixture in two additions, blending just until incorporated each time. Use a spatula to fold in the blueberries and nuts.

Use an ice cream scoop to divide the batter into your 12 cups. The cups will be full but don't worry - these muffins rise very well and don't spill over (though a baking sheet underneath is always good insurance.)

Bake for 25-30 minutes until golden on top and a toothpick inserted comes out clean.

Enjoy warm or store in an airtight container for 2 days.

Pioneer Woman's Cinnamon Rolls. The end all. Be all. Amen.

Merry Christmas darlings! Was Santa good to you? Did you get the brand new Red Ryder Carbine-action BB Gun you were dreaming of, or your own personal equivalent?

I had a wonderful Christmas. Great food. Great gifts. Great family time. And as usual, I'm a little flattened that it's already gone. So today I'm trying to stay upbeat and reflect on what I loved about this year and how to make it last longer next year. These cinnamon rolls are a new tradition. I used to be a 'bread' person - making quick breads to give to friends and neighbors. But thanks to the Pioneer Woman - I'm now a cinnamon roll person.

I gave these away to my family when they came over Christmas Eve for them to eat on Christmas morning. There is nothing like them on this earth. As you eat them, you will wonder how the hell you made something as ridiculously delicious and amazing as these. And here's the kicker - it was easy. Time consuming, sure, but easy. And this is coming from someone who still hasn't mastered the art of pie crusts so trust me when I say I'm not a naturally gifted baker.

Just like her pizza dough, this is a semi fool proof dough. Very forgiving. Very laid back. All you need is a ton of clean counter space and a pair of blinders to distract you from how much butter goes into the recipe. But then again, I only make these at Christmas, so I say bring it on!

One of the thousands of reasons I love these is you can make them in stages, starting with the simple process of whipping the base together in a large lidded pot on the stove top. Once risen later on, you can just stick the top on and keep the dough in the fridge for up to 3 days until you have another chunk of free time to roll them out. The only trick is you CAN'T forget to check on the dough every couple of hours that first day in case it's risen up enough to lift off the lid. All you have to do is punch it down again and put the top back on - but if left it to its own devices for too long it just might take over your refrigerator. Dough is a little science fiction-y that way.

And even later, when you roll it out and assembled the rolls, you can refrigerate them again for a couple of days before you bake them off and ice them (just cover them well and be sure to set them out 15 minutes before baking so they can rise slightly in that final stage.)

Anyway - the fact that you can split up the process this way makes these much more manageable than the forthcoming recipe makes them appear. Here are couple more tips for this too good to be true recipe - and in the meantime - Merry Christmas and Happy New Year Y'all!

* Don't be tempted to substitute a simpler icing for her recipe here. As great as the dough part is, the icing is the gilding of the lily. I could eat it out of an old shoe and be happy for it.
* I serve these with spicy sausage kolaches, you know, for a well rounded meal on Christmas morning. That recipe coming in the next post.
* You can add any variations you like to the filling - dried cranberries or cherries, pecans, etc. I think I prefer them plain as listed below with just cinnamon, sugar and butter.
* She has different amounts of butter in her online recipe for the icing than her book. I go by the book, as reflected here (mo butter mo better.)
* She says to not crowd the pan when putting these in the tins. This year I ignored her and found they came out doughier/softer when all pushed together versus having their own space. We like them this way (my husband always wants 'the middle' one) but if you like more a crust around the rolls then by all means space them out a little more, only giving 4 to 5 to each pan.

Pioneer Woman's Cinnamon Rolls
Prep Time: 2 Hours | Cook Time: 30 Minutes | Difficulty: Easy | Servings: 5-7 round pans full (a lot of people!)

Dough Ingredients:
1 quart Whole Milk
1 cup Vegetable Oil
1 cup Sugar
2 packages Active Dry Yeast, 0.25 Ounce Packets (4 1/2 teaspoons)
8 cups (Plus 1 Extra Cup, Separate) All-purpose Flour
1 teaspoon (heaping) Baking Powder
1 teaspoon (scant) Baking Soda
1 Tablespoon (heaping) Salt
Plenty Of Melted Butter - I use 1 1/2 cups, PW uses 2 cups
2 cups Sugar
Cinnamon, about 1/4 cup or enough to coat entire surface of rolled out dough
Several disposable round tins and plastic wrap to cover them with
_____
MAPLE FROSTING:
1 (2 pound) bag Powdered Sugar
1 tablespoon Maple Flavoring or Extract
1/2 cup Whole Milk
3/4 cup Melted Butter (6 tablespoons)
1/4 cup Brewed Coffee
1/8 teaspoon Salt

Instructions:
For the dough, heat the milk, vegetable oil, and sugar in a large lidded pan/dutch oven over medium heat to just below a simmer (DO NOT ALLOW TO BOIL.) Set aside and cool to lukewarm. Sprinkle the yeast on top and let it sit on the milk for 1 minute.
Add 8 cups of the flour. Stir until just combined, then cover with a clean kitchen towel, and set aside in a relatively warm place for 1 hour. After 1 hour, remove the towel and add the baking powder, baking soda, salt, and the remaining 1 cup flour. Stir thoroughly to combine.

Use the dough right away, or place the lid on it and refrigerate for up to 3 days, punching down the dough if it rises to the top of the bowl. (Note: dough is easier to work with if it’s been chilled for at least an hour or so beforehand.)

When ready to make the rolls, preheat the oven to 375°F.

To assemble the rolls, remove half the dough from the pan/bowl. On a floured baking surface, roll the dough into a large rectangle, about 30 x 10 inches (I live on the edge and do it all at once, rolling it into a 60 x 10 inch rectangle, but recommend splitting in half the first time you make these.) The dough should be rolled fairly thin.

To make the filling, pour 3/4 cup to 1 cup of the melted butter over the surface of the dough. Use your fingers to spread the butter evenly, or a pastry brush. Generously sprinkle half of the ground cinnamon and 1 cup of the sugar over the butter. Don’t be afraid to drizzle on more butter or more sugar! Gooey is the goal.

Now, beginning at the end farthest from you, roll the rectangle tightly towards you. Use both hands and work slowly, being careful to keep the roll tight. Don’t worry if the filling oozes as you work; that just means the rolls are going to be divine. When you reach the end, pinch the seam together and flip the roll so that the seam is face down. When you’re finished, you’ll wind up with one long buttery, cinnamony, sugary, gooey log.

Slip a cutting board underneath the roll and with a sharp knife, make 1-inch slices. Pour a couple of teaspoons of melted butter into disposable foil cake pans and swirl to coat. Place the sliced rolls in the pans, being careful not to overcrowd (I overcrowd but I like them 'doughier.')

Repeat the rolling/sugar/butter process with the other half of the dough and more pans. Cover all the pans with a kitchen towel and set aside to rise on the countertop for at least 20 minutes before baking. Remove the towel and bake for 15 to 18 minutes, until just light golden brown. Don’t allow the rolls to become overly brown.

While the rolls are baking, make the maple icing: In a large bowl, whisk together the powdered sugar, milk, butter, coffee, and salt. Splash in the maple flavoring. Whisk until very smooth. Taste and add in more maple, sugar, butter, or other ingredients as needed until the icing reaches the desired consistency. The icing should be somewhat thick but still very pourable.

Remove pans from the oven. Immediately drizzle icing generously over the top. Be sure to get it all around the edges and over the top. As they sit, the rolls will absorb some of the icing’s moisture and flavor. They only get better with time… not that they last for more than a few seconds. Make them for a friend today! It’ll seal the relationship for life. I promise. - PW

Merry...Thanksgiving?

Making dinner the other night I was flipping through the channels when I saw Wheel of Fortune hosting from...the North Pole. I had to check my wine for poison and then my calendar. It was a full week and a half before Thanksgiving let alone Christmas. What happened to decorating with pumpkins and fall leaves or even a ceramic turkey?

But Vanna and Pat weren't the only ones. It seemed the Christmas (PC term - Festivas?) fever had already spread beyond the point of me worrying about it. The grocery store was all decked in holly with Karen Carpenter blasting from the speakers, the ghost decorators had already begun bedazzling the Cedar trees on 360 in red and gold, and truth be told - I was glad for it. It just goes by too fast y'all. (Though I do feel bad for Thanksgiving - will it soon be renamed Christmas, Part 1?)

Anyways sorry to jump on the 'skipping ahead to Christmas' bandwagon but my Thanksgiving recipes are all going to be pretty standard this year aside from doing the turkey on the Big Green Egg which I'll share with you later so I thought I'd post The Homesick Texan's Strawberry Guajillo Jam. This jam would make a fantastic gift or stocking stuffer. And if you're leery of making homemade jam like I was - don't be. Easy as pie y'all. Just make sure you put hot jam in a hot, just sterilized jar (you can do it in the dishwasher) and that's all there is to it.

This jam is lovely - the only kind Kris will eat now - not spicy but with just enough kick to be interesting. Come to think of it - it'd be fantastic on a leftover turkey sandwich instead of the usual cranberry sauce!

Strawberry Guajillo Jam, from The Homesick Texan
Yields 2 pints.
* Very easy but allow for 4 hours of letting the strawberries to sit before making.

Ingredients:
2 pounds fresh strawberries, hulled and quartered
2 cups granulated sugar
1 dried guajillo chile, stem and seeds removed OR 1/4 teaspoon dried guajillo powder
1/2 cup lime juice
pinch kosher salt

Equipment:
2 pint-size jars or 4 half-pint size jars with lids and bands

Directions:
Toss the strawberries in a pot with the sugar and let stand for 4 hours until soft and juicy.

Place a plate in the freezer. Dice the dried guajillo and add it to the strawberry pot (or powder) along with the lime juice, salt and 1/4 cup of water. Bring the pot to a boil and then turn the heat down to low and simmer for 30 minutes, stirring occasionally. Meanwhile, sterilize the jars and lids in either a pot of boiling water or dishwasher (just don't do this too early or the jars will become too cool - you want them still hot when you put the jam into them.)

After 30 minutes, take the plate out of the freezer and place a spoonful of the jam on the plate. After a minute, tilt the plate, and if the jam doesn't run then it's ready. If it does run, cook it for 5 more minutes and test again. Continue to test until it doesn't run.

Pour jam into hot jars, leaving a bit of headspace. Cover with lids and fasten with rings. Allow to cool and then refrigerate. I find that it can last for a few months in the refrigerator.

PS - I already might have already started decorating...

Cinnamon Sugar Banana Bread

Nothing makes me happier than stumbling onto a recipe for something so good, I know I'll never need to try any other version. There may be 101 ways to make banana bread for the holidays, but in my humble opinion, this is THE recipe. The smell as it bakes is every fond memory you had of the holidays growing up wrapped into one wafting cloud of cinnamon and sugar.

Cinnamon Sugar Banana Bread
* Makes 7-8 mini loaves that freeze well.
* Adapted from All Recipes - thank you Esther Nelson!

Ingredients:
1/4 cup white sugar mixed with 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon, for dusting pans
Butter or nonstick spray, for pans

3/4 cup butter at room temp
2 1/4 cups white sugar
3 eggs
4 very ripe smallish bananas, mashed well with a fork
1 cup apple butter
1 (16 oz) container sour cream (you can use light if desired)
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
Good grating fresh nutmeg
1/2 teaspoon table salt
3 teaspoons baking soda
4 1/2 cups all-purpose flour (please 'lighten' the flour by fluffing it gently with a spoon and then use a spoon to gently fill your measuring cups - this is easier than sifting and will ensure you don't use too much flour and end up with cement)
1 cup chopped toasted walnuts or pecans, optional

Directions:
Preheat oven to 300 (yes this is correct! 300!)

Grease or butter your loaf pans then dust lightly and all around with the cinnamon sugar mixture. Set aside.

In a large bowl, cream butter and 2 1/4 cups sugar until light and fluffy. Mix in eggs, mashed bananas, apple butter, sour cream, vanilla, cinnamon and nutmeg until just incorporated. Mix in salt, baking soda, and flour until just mixed. Fold in nuts then divide the batter evenly between the pans.

Bake for one hour, rotating pans halfway through, until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean.

Let cool in the pans for 30 minutes, then carefully invert onto a cooling rack to finish cooling (you may need to run a bread knife around the edges to help them let go.)

An Alternative to the Great Pumpkin - Persimmon Spice Bread

I am lucky enough to have a persimmon tree in my front yard. Persimmons are strange little fruit that take FOREVER to ripen. If you pluck a green one from the tree early in the summer and bite into it, it will suck all the saliva from your soul. Seriously. But if you wait for them to turn orange then more and more orange until the skin begins to take on the transparency and delicacy of a tomato then you are in for a treat. Like I said they are a strange little fruit, tomato-y in texture but with the sweet, mellow flavor of a fig crossed with a pear (at least in my opinion.)

They make lovely bread and muffins and even martinis as recently featured on the wonderful blog Lisa is Cooking. It was a little too early in the day (10 am) for me to make martinis with mine so I chose a quick bread recipe from All Recipes, added some orange zest and ground cloves, and ate a warm slice covered in butter.

Persimmon Spice Bread
* Adapted from All Recipes
* This bread does get a little dark around the edges. Don't fear - this is normal, yet be sure to not over bake.
* You could probably substitute pumpkin for the persimmons if they are not available to you.

Ingredients:
2 eggs
1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
3/4 cup white sugar
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup vegetable oil
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/8 teaspoon cloves
1 cup persimmon pulp (skin and seeds removed)
1/2 cup chopped walnuts
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 cup dried cranberries
zest of 1 orange

Directions:
Preheat oven to 325 degrees F (165 degrees C). Spray a 9 x 4 inch pan with cooking spray and set aside.

In a small bowl, combine flour, cinnamon, cloves, salt, nuts, and cranberries.

In a large bowl, blend eggs, sugar, and oil. Mix baking soda into pulp, and add to sugar mixture. Fold in flour mixture. Finally stir in orange zest being careful to not over mix. Pour batter into prepared pan. Bake 55 minutes then test for doneness by inserting a sharp knife (it should come out free of wet batter.) If not ready, return to the oven for another 10-15 minutes and check again.

In memory of a horse named Socks.

At the age of 9, most kids are obsessing over a new bike or the latest video game. I was on a mission to find a horse. To be fair, the mission had begun in infancy when I'd first laid eyes on one. I drew them, talked about them, took meticulous care of a stable of imaginary ones that fit nicely in our backyard in Houston while my parents waited patiently (and desperately) for the phase to pass.

It didn't. The obsession grew and the fantasies were getting a little eccentric which led to the purchase of two pygmy goats in a bold move on my parents part in the never ending game of parent/child negotiation. 'Once she learns how difficult raising a goat can be, she'll forget all about wanting a horse,' was no doubt the logic. I carried the goats, Dr. Pepper and Willy Joe, around like infants and bottle fed them with a hidden agenda of my own. As soon as they were full grown, I tried to ride them, fashioning a bridle out of a stick and some shoe leather.

If the 12 seconds on the back of a goat taught me anything, it was that 12 seconds on a horse must really be something. The obsession was gaining momentum. I wrote essays on horse management. I groomed Midnight, my Barbie horse, until the plastic lost its shine. And I begged to the point where even my loving parents were embarrassed by my lack of dignity. But it worked.

Either the planets aligned or I wore them down or I caught them on a margarita night, because the 13,474th time I asked if I could get a horse - the word 'no' didn't immediately follow. I opened the Houston classifieds and read a short but efficient ad for a pony - something to the effect of 'golden colored and loves kids.'

I didn't want to seem overzealous or anything, but could there be more of a sign? I mean I was a kid and my hair could be considered golden colored. The next evening we were on our way to the suburbs to look at this miraculous creature. We got lost and by the time we arrived, it was dark. No matter, the pony's shiny coat practically glowed under the front porch lights. (It was too dark to notice how the whites around her eyes hinted at a demon trapped inside trying to get out.) My mom and I looked at the pony's hair - then at my own. It matched! I mean, what more could you possibly want in a pony? Besides, the 5 minute test ride which the gentleman led me on went swimmingly. At this rate, I'd be in the Olympics by summer.

We bought the pony, Bess, and then the real test came. Bess was anything but the perfect pony, though in an ironic way she was a Godsend. Bess didn't like to be saddled, much less ridden, and she had a funny quirk of cow kicking you when you weren't looking. "A horse can kick sideways?" we marveled, until she got me in the butt when I was bending over to retrieve a brush knocking me down. Ah the tenacity of childhood - if that happened to me now, I'd have sent the pony packing and taken up knitting. But I was 8. I simply picked up a 2x4 and hit her back. She and I had a few rounds of this game until she decided it was far less work to just stand there while being brushed.

Fast forward another year. Bess had taught me how to stay on no matter how badly the animal underneath you didn't want you to. She'd taught me to be patient. And then in an unplanned lesson, she taught me to jump. We'd go flying over fallen trees, old railroad ties - anything you put in front of us. And with my legs getting longer everyday, I began instigating 'project upgrade.' Don't ask me why, but begging for the second horse was much easier, and before I knew it, my parents and I were scouring the entire span of central Texas for horse number two. And we were no green city folk this time around - nope. On these scouting trips, we made sure we saw the horses in daylight.

No shorter than 34 or so failed horse shopping trips later (the subject of another book, I mean post) we pulled up to yet another barn in the outskirts of town. It was a Sunday. Valentine's Day. And Lord Heaven all mighty there he was.

The most striking gelding I'd ever laid eyes on - so brown he looked black when a cloud passed by but under the full wattage of the sun, the color of a chocolate-dipped espresso bean with a white blaze and four white socks. His mane and tail were the stuff of dreams, so long and full he made my exaggerated Barbie horse look homely.

Gail, the nice woman who owned him, was selling him because she wanted a new barrel horse. I got on him, pointed him to the nearest field, and off we went. It was like riding a feather he moved so smoothly, only a feather in a hurry. This horse liked to go. I was three quarters head over heels in love, one quarter terrified as we headed back to my parents. I kept the terrified part to myself - I wasn't about to blow the chance of owning the most magnificent horse in the world.

We chatted some more as Gail showed us how Socks automatically lifted his feet to be picked without even having to touch them and said that of all the horses she'd had over the years, Socks had the best ground manners by far. She was right. When we asked how old he was (something else we'd learned to cover in our meticulous sleuthing), Gail replied about 8. He wasn't registered so she couldn't be 100% accurate, but that was definitely the ballpark given how long she'd owned him.

It was all settled. This gleaming, proud-necked half Morgan half mystery was to be mine. And then a couple of days later, my mom got a phone call from a crying Gail. She felt so badly, but her husband just couldn't let Gail part with Socks. He was his favorite horse. Gail may have shed a few tears but I created my own tsunami. I'd already written 'Socks' on everything I owned and even things I didn't (my school desk) and the news was devastating. We truly had looked at dozens of frogs to find this prince and now he was gone.

My tears finally stopped and we kept looking. Oh did we look. There was 'Morlaugh' the Arabian who sat down when you tried to saddle him, a show pony who broke off its lunge line, jumped a fence and disappeared into a suburb, and a pair of Tennessee Walkers that ate wood the way other horses eat grass.

Then, on Easter Sunday, a miracle. Gail called to ask if we'd found another horse yet. Apparently she'd found her a barrel horse, and in some crafty negotiating of her own, she'd convinced her husband to sell Socks. To this day I'll never forget that phone call. As a writer I should be able to capture that feeling for you but I'm sorry I just can't.

Socks was transferred from one Houston suburb to another where I took lessons on him twice a week. He was the reason I got up every morning. But despite how wonderful I thought he was, my trainer, a lovely woman by the name of Cathy Strobel, probably felt differently though she never said so. Being half Morgan, Socks was what they call 'gaited' and moved in an amble so smooth, you could put an egg on his back and it wouldn't fall off. Which was fantastic, only I'd made the decision to show in hunter/jumper classes where gaiting was not allowed (see what I mean about us getting savvier all the time?)

Instead of telling us it would never work, Cathy began teaching Socks via me, how to erase a natural, God given way of movement he'd had his whole life. Talk about teaching an old dog new tricks. And in the interim, we learned we were dealing with an older dog than we realized. On a vaccination visit, the vet looked at Socks' teeth and said, 'He looks pretty good for a middle aged gent.'

'Middle aged?' we retorted? 'What are you talking about - he's 8!' Nope, by the angle and length of his teeth, he was at least 13 the vet said. Teeth don't lie. Of course we don't think Gail lied either, but when a horse isn't registered and you haven't owned it all of your life it can be hard to keep track.

Anyway, Cathy and I worked and worked and worked and one day, Socks broke out of that smooth amble into a bumpy, two-beat gait. I think the whole stable cheered. From there we went to our first show where we won reserve grand champion. That feeling I can describe - one part Janis Joplin and two parts strawberry ice cream.

But it wasn't all perfect. One time while warming up on the race track behind the stables, Socks took the bit in his mouth and ran away with me, circling the whole track at a hundred miles an hour before breaking for the tiny opening in the fence between the track and the stables, nearly snapping my legs off. To this day I've never been so scared, and as soon as I realized where I was (right in front of his stall - where else do horse's want to go?) I jumped off him, grabbed a riding crop, and went to town on him until somebody stopped me.

And God love him, he truly hated to jump and sent me over many a fence, often times right in front of the judging box.

But for the most part, he was a gentleman. And kind. And patient. He was the only horse that would stay clean in his stall before a competition. He didn't even like to use the restroom at a show! And on trail rides, he was the fastest thing on wheels in a short pasture. Nobody could touch me - not even horses twice his size or leggy Thoroughbreds.

I eventually got other horses, got into high school, and started riding less and less. After college, a career in advertising took me far away from home for far too many years. Socks stayed back with my dad, still trucking along even though his thick black mane eventually faded and thinned to a few dull wisps. Age isn't kind to any of us.

But as long as he was there, back home, I was happy. We had gotten Socks when I was 9 years old. And as I got older and older, the horse who was supposed to be my age who turned out to be much older just kept on living despite what the vets predicted. By now I was now in my thirties and had come to think that maybe he'd never die. I kind of had this little thing in my head where as long as he was there, back home, then a part of me must be too. And maybe, just maybe I hadn't really grown up after all despite all evidence to the contrary.

Socks passed away on Christmas Eve. I guess that means I'm all grown up now.

I have had some wonderful horses in my life and some out right nightmares, but Socks was in his own league. He learned how to trot after a lifetime of not trotting. He learned how to jump when he'd rather have done anything else, probably even barrel race. He became the leader of his own herd after years as a city horse. And as an old man, he led my young nephews around with the patience of a saint. And now he's gone.

I wish so badly that I could give him a treat right now and pet his longer than logical forelock one last time. But I can't. Instead, I'll make this bread for him in remembrance. Socks had a sweet tooth and a policy of eating anything you put in front of him out of politeness. He would have loved it.

Zucchini Oatmeal Bread, for Socks

Ingredients:
2 cups wheat flour
1 cup all purpose flour
3/4 cup cooking oats
1 1/2 cups sugar
1 tablespoon cinnamon plus 1/4 teaspoon
1/4 teaspoon nutmeg
1/4 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon allspice

1/2 cup unsweetened applesauce plus 2 tablespoons
1/4 cup oil
1/3 cup buttermilk
1 tablespoon honey
2 tablespoons vanilla
zest of 1 orange
3 cups shredded zucchini
2 eggs

Instructions:
Preheat oven to 350 (325 if using convection.) Grease two loaf pans with nonstick spray then dust with flour. Set onto a rimmed baking sheet and set aside.

Meanwhile put all of the dry ingredients into a large bowl or stand mixer. Mix until well blended, then form a little well in the center and pour in the applesauce, oil, buttermilk, honey, vanilla, and orange zest. Mix until just blended, scraping the bottom with a spatula if using a stand mixture to be sure nothing's holding out on you. Add in the zucchini stirring just until mixed, then the eggs one by one, again stirring until just incorporated.

Divide the batter evenly between the two pans and bake for 45-50 minutes, until golden and cooked through (knife or dried spaghetti should come out clean when inserted.)

Let cool in the pan for 10 minutes before carefully inverting onto a baking rack to cool all the way down.

Slice, slather in salted butter, and eat warm while remembering someone you love.

* By the way, Cathy is still teaching in the Houston area. You can find her at: http://www.sbreeze.com