Sorry I Crashed Your BBQ Bars (Hello Dolly Bars)

This past weekend we had a good friend from London in town. The kind of good friend who has many good friends. For example, before boarding the plane for Austin he sent us the text: 'We're going to a BBQ on Saturday."

Here was a guy who didn't even live in Austin and he was already invited to a Memorial Day BBQ. We'd been back for two years and were invited to none. Therefore in the laws of entertaining and/or human decency, we would be crashing the BBQ.

For me there is only one way to crash a party - armed with food and booze like you're going to a really fun wake. No one will turn you down when you're drowning in bags from Whole Foods. If it's informal, you're a Godsend, making up for those clueless souls who show up empty handed as if their mere presence is sustenance enough. Or if it is a formal gathering, they'll just assume you're with catering.

Things got even more pressure cooker-y when we realized the people whose BBQ we were crashing were also going to be our new neighbors (as of June 15 when we move to the neighborhood.) Conundrum. Store bought cupcakes weren't going to cut it. Nor were store bought anything. We were going to see these people again.

To top it all off, we had already had a ton planned for Saturday (173 1/2 trips to Goodwill to be exact) and time was short. I turned to my most trusted source for 'accept me into your home' recipes - Southern Living for some 'Hello Dolly Bars.' Only as luck would have it I didn't have all the ingredients for those and had to improvise.

What you see was the outcome, renamed for their powerful friend-making side affects. They are my new 'go to'. They take about 5 seconds to put together and look and taste FANCEE but in a rustic, made with love kind of way.

Sorry I Crashed Your BBQ Bars/Hello Dolly Bars
* Adapted from Southern Living
* Makes 24 bars
Ingredients:
9x13 inch glass or pyrex baking dish
nonstick spray
parchment paper (optional)

1/4 cup butter (half a stick of butter)
1 heaping cup vanilla wafer crumbs (pound in a ziploc with a rolling pin)
1 (7 oz) package sweetened flaked coconut
1 1/2 cups white chocolate chips
1 cup sliced almonds (or any kind of nuts)
1 heaping cup semi sweet chocolate morsels
1 (14 oz) can sweetened condensed milk

Directions:
Preheat oven to 350.

Line a 9x13 inch baking dish with parchment paper sprayed with nonstick spray (optional - makes cleanup a breeze and the bars easier to remove and cut but not mandatory. Otherwise just spray dish with nonstick spray.) To help the paper lay down/adhere to the dish, place 4 cans of soup or vegetables in the corners while you assemble the ingredients.

Meanwhile, melt the butter in a small bowl in the microwave. Remove the cans from the cans and pour over the paper trying to distribute as evenly as possible. As soon as the butter has covered all of the paper, spread the cookie crumbs over, again trying to distribute them as evenly as possible.

Continue to layer over the next ingredients. Spread the coconut evenly over the crumbs, then the white chocolate chips, the almonds, and semi sweet morsels.

Finally, pour the sweetened condensed milk over, again as evenly as possible. DO NOT STIR.

Put in the middle rack of your oven and bake for 30-35 minutes JUST until the top of the nuts get a little golden but not brown. You don't want to burn the chocolate so watch closely at the end.

Let cool completely in pan on a wire rack for one hour. Remove the bars by gently picking up the corners of the parchment paper and set on a cutting board. Let cool another 20 minutes at least before cutting (a pizza cutter works nicely.) Or if you skipped the parchment, cut right in the pan once completely cool (this will help them stay together versus cutting them warm.)

Home Wrecker's Ribs. Saucy, Spicy, and just Sweet Enough to be Dangerous.

Don't you just love when you become completely obsessed with something you thought you'd have absolutely no interest in whatsoever? This just happened to me with the HBO show Game of Thrones. I remember watching the pilot with my husband in the spirit of matrimonial harmony, feigning interest while secretly betting I'd wind up surfing Bluefly. But as soon as the first scene began, I was a gonner.

What is it with HBO? It's like they've shot a probe straight into my brain and created entertainment just for little old me and my perversities. I mean how else can you explain me liking a show that looks like a testosterone-injected version of Lord of the Rings? Jason Mamoa, perhaps...

Anyway, this same phenomenon happened to me with ribs (like that segue? I'll be here all week.) It still amazes me that I went almost three decades turning my nose up at them, thinking them fatty and greasy and messy to finally realize that's exactly what makes them the best things on earth (sorry, thighs.)

And while it's damn hard to beat Martha Foose Hall's Vinegar-Mopped Ribs, I'm afraid sister's got competition with this recipe. And they're even easier to make! Just throw the marinade ingredients into an oversized ziploc, drop the ribs in, marinate overnight and then dump the whole thing - ribs and all - into a roasting pan over a sliced onion for 2 hours. No dry rub, no basting, no grilling.

Just be sure to kick the heat up for the last stretch of cooking so the meat bronzes up around the edges and those bones become nice and pliable, pulling apart without any fight. As Dolly Parton says about ribs in the movie 9 to 5, "That just wrecked my diet but it was SO worth it!"

Home Wrecker's Ribs

Ingredients:
2 lbs babyback ribs
2 fat garlic cloves, crushed
2 tablespoons sea salt
2 tablespoons cumin
2 teaspoons chili powder
1 teaspoon dried oregano
1/2 cup maple syrup
1/4 cup red or white wine vinegar
Pinch red pepper flakes, or more for more heat
Good amount fresh cracked black pepper
1/4 cup olive oil

1 large vidalia or Spanish onion, sliced thick
additional salt and fresh cracked pepper for seasoning, just before roasting

Directions:
Add the marinade ingredients - garlic through the olive oil - to a large marinading bag, squishing around with your fingers and giving a shake to help mix together. Once all incorporated, add the ribs and turn over a couple of times to be sure all sides of all racks have been anointed. Squish out the air, seal and refrigerate overnight turning over midway.

Remove one hour before cooking off.

Preheat oven to 325. Spray a large, rimmed roasting pan with nonstick spray and line with the onions (they don't have to completely cover the bottom - just provide enough lift so the ribs can sit on them and not on the bottom of the pan. Remove the ribs from the marinade bag and place over the onions, fat/meat side up (curved side down.) Pour the marinade all over and around the ribs getting every last drop out of the bag. Season the ribs over the top with a little more salt and pepper.

Transfer the ribs to the middle rack and roast at 325 for 2 hours, keeping an eye on the bottom of the pan so that it doesn't begin to burn/blacken. If it dries out, add a little water or chicken stock as needed but be careful not to flood the ribs.

After 2 hours, kick the heat up to 375, move the tray up to the top rack of your oven, and roast another 20-25 minutes until the top develops a deep, dark bronze color and the ribs separate easily when probed.

Happy BBQ Season! Martha Hall Foose's Glorious Baby Back Ribs

I have grill fever. The first day of March here in Texas is warm and sunny and not conducive to getting work done, though I am being forced to. But it's hard when you're having visions of sizzling steaks, juicy burgers, and beer can chicken sitting pretty on the grill.

My current obsession is ribs. I spent the first 30 something years of my life avoiding them, thinking them messy and fatty, and the last few years praising Jesus for those exact same traits. Now I'm making up for lost time with a vengeance, as if my whole reason for being on this earth is to try any and every iteration of them, from smoked to roasted and sauce less to those doused in thick, sweet goop.

After all, there are a lot of animals with ribs in them. And they should all fear me. I'm looking at a squirrel right now in my backyard thinking how adorable his tiny ribs would look on a plate. Just kidding - I feed possums cat food for crying out loud - but you get my drift. I'm temporarily possessed by a five hundred pound truck driver. It'll pass, I'm sure, though I kind of hope it won't.

Sunday I made baby back ribs (in the oven because I was out of propane, classic!) from Screen Doors and Sweet Tea (order this on Amazon now if you don't already have it) and they turned out flipping fantastic. So good in fact that they made me want to make more and more ribs. So stay tuned.

PS - my slaw recipe, though pretty, sucked. Anyone have a good, vinegary (cause that's how I like it, y'all) recipe to share?

Happy Grilling Season!

Martha Hall Foose's Mustard Rubbed Ribs with Vinegar Mopping Sauce
* There is nothing difficult about this recipe but it is a time sucker. Be sure to factor in the 24 hour dry rub and the 3-4 hours of actual cook time, with basting. The upside is the mop sauce doesn't need cooking - just mix and refrigerate.

* 1 slab of baby back ribs, rinsed and patted dry
* 28 oz low sodium chicken stock, only if roasting in oven
* 1 can or bottle of beer, only if roasting in oven
* ingredients for dry rub and mopping sauce below

Step 1 - Make the dry rub (whisk together ingredients listed below) and thoroughly coat your rack of ribs with it, pressing in and smearing around with your fingers. Cover the ribs tightly with plastic wrap and then foil and refrigerate overnight. Remove from fridge a good half hour before cooking.

Dry Rub:
2 tablespoons kosher salt
2 tablespoons chili powder
2 tablespoons paprika
1/2 tablespoon black pepper (she uses a whole tbsln)
1 tablespoon dry mustard
1 tablespoon light brown sugar
1 tablespoon cumin
1 teaspoon garlic powder
1 teaspoon onion powder
1 teaspoon ground allspice

Step 2 - whisk the ingredients below together for your mopping sauce and refrigerate until ready to use. Can be made a day or two ahead.

Mopping Sauce:
1 1/2 cups cider vinegar
2 tablespoons ketchup
2 tablespoons prepared yellow mustard
1 tablespoon light brown sugar
1 teaspoon red pepper flakes (I halve this because I'm a wimp)

Step 3 - Grill or Roast!
If roasting, preheat the oven to 300. Prepare your largest roasting pan with a rack. Pour the can or bottle of beer in, then enough chicken stock to reach up the sides to 1/4 inch or so (you don't want the liquid to touch the ribs.)

Set aside a half cup of the mopping sauce for serving with the ribs. Place the ribs over the rack then baste thoroughly with the mopping sauce then continue to roast, BASTING EVERY HALF HOUR WITH THE SAUCE, for 3 1/2 hours, or until the bones move lightly when twisted. Also be sure to continue adding stock to the bottom of the pan to keep it from drying out/burning - if you run out of stock you can just add water.

Slice them up and serve with leftover mopping sauce.

If grilling, place coals on one side of the grill and set a drip pan on the other side. Set the rack 6 to 8 inches above the coals and light the coals.

When ready to grill, you should be able to hold your palm over the coals for about 2 seconds and there should be a light ash coating on the glowing coats.

Place the ribs on the grill opposite from the coals and cover.

Cook for 20 minutes, keeping the temperature at 200 to 225F. Brush with the sauce, cover, and continue to cook, brushing with the sauce every 30 minutes covering between moppings, for 3 hours or until the bones move slightly when twisted.

Slice and serve with remaining sauce.